


If You Only Knew

by 2am_limbo



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mention of Sherlock In Serbia, Missing Scene, Past hallucinations, Pining Sherlock, Post-Episode: s02e03 The Reichenbach Fall, Post-Episode: s03e03 His Last Vow, Post-Reichenbach, Post-The Reichenbach Fall, Sherlock Holmes Misses John Watson, Sherlock Holmes and Feelings, Sherlock Is A Bit Not Good, Sherlock Wump, Sherlock is a Mess, Sherlock-centric, Unrequited Love, brief mention of Mycroft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 23:02:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5434118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2am_limbo/pseuds/2am_limbo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events at Appledore, John decided that he and Mary should try to work things out -- even if only for the baby's sake. While trying his best to make things right with Mary, he's failed to notice what he seems to be destroying in the process.</p><p>____</p><p>A brief oneshot inspired by the song 'If You Only Knew' by Shinedown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Only Knew

**Author's Note:**

> 'If You Only Knew' by Shinedown. I wrote this as Johnlock, but it can be read as gen, I suppose. This takes place after His Last Vow.

_If you only knew I'm hanging by a thread, the web I spin for you._  
_If you only knew I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I lose you._

 

John entered 221B quietly and cautiously. He looked around the flat, concerned, and walked softly around as he noticed crumpled up papers thrown everywhere, books strewn about, some opened with bent pages, the sink filled with dirty mugs. The sitting room was a disaster, and the kitchen…

The kitchen table was mostly clear, but all of the experiments that usually covered the surface had been swept away to the floor, shattered glass and papers strewn about all over the tile floor. John’s eyes narrowed in concern as he sucked in a deep breath and made his way to Sherlock’s bedroom.

John slowly pushed the door open only to find Sherlock lying on his back, arms stretched out into a ‘T’, with his eyes closed, expressionless.

“Sherlock,” John whispered, letting his hand fall softly back to his side, now standing just inside of Sherlock’s room.

Sherlock’s brow furrowed in confusion, pursed his lips for a second in muddled thought. “I told you not to come back, John. You’re not really here.” Sherlock shimmied his hips a tiny bit to regain a comfortable position, sucked in a deep, deep breath and exhaled. “You’re ruining my high.”

_It's 4:03 and I can't sleep without you next to me, I toss and turn like the sea. If I drown tonight, bring me back to life, breathe your breath in me._

“Sherlock, I am here. This is me. I’m not a…” John paused. He had sincerely hoped that Mycroft had misunderstood the signs that his people had found on this Danger Night. He had hoped that Sherlock hadn’t actually gone out and bought drugs, came home and got high. “I’m not a hallucination.”

Sherlock snorted, and John could almost see him rolling his eyes under his closed lids.

“I’m not an idiot, John. I think I know when my brain is conjuring up a simple construct such as this as a coping mechanism.”

John stood quietly for a moment, unsure of what to say. Finally, he decided not to say anything, walked over to the bed, and sat down on the side.

“Sherlock,” John pressed his hand to Sherlock’s forehead to feel for a fever or clamminess or _something_. “Look at me, please.” John moved his hand down to rest on Sherlock’s cheek.

“Nu-uh,” Sherlock hummed, child-like. John leaned in then and placed both hands on either side of Sherlock’s head.

“Sherlock, open your eyes.” Sherlock finally did as he was told, his eyes slowly fluttered open, but there was no recognition in his eyes, only a calm, glassy, high-as-a-kite look that broke John’s heart.

“Stop, John. _You’re hurting me._ ” And in that moment, John saw the honesty written all over Sherlock’s face with those words.

Sherlock closed his eyes again, opening his mouth slightly to release a breath. _The only thing that I still believe in is you, if you only knew._ “I’m not in Serbia anymore. I don’t need you, you don’t need to save me.”

 

 _If you only knew how many times I counted all the words that went wrong._  
_If you only knew how I refuse to let you go even when you're gone._  
_I don't regret any days I spent, nights we shared, or letters that I sent._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Also, follow me on tumblr @ [2am-limbo](http://2am-limbo.tumblr.com/).


End file.
